You need to read this if you like a laugh. Otherwise, stiff!
Until my next more serious contribution.
Reg
Tony Renshaw
> >
> > Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He
> asks
> > her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few
> nights
> > later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They
> > continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of
> them
> > is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home,
> a
> > thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it
> aloud:
> > "Do you realise that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for
> > exactly six months?"
> >
> > And then there is silence in the car.
> >
> > To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself:
> Geez,
> > I
> > wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling
> confined
> > by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some
> kind
> > of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
> >
> > And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
> >
> > And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of
> > relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd
> > have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way
> we
> > are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just
> > going o keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading
> > toward
> > marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for
> that
> > level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
> >
> > And Roger is thinking: ...so that means it was... let's see... February
> > when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the
> > dealer's,
> > which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an
> > oil hange here.
> >
> > And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm
> > reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our
> relationship,
> > more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed-even before I sensed
> > it--that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's
> why
> > he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of
> > being rejected.
> >
> > And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission
> > again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting
> right.
> > And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What
> > cold weather? It's 87degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a
> garbage
> > truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
> >
> > And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry,
> > too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the
> way
> I
> > feel. I'm just not sure.
> >
> > And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day
> warranty...
> > scumbags.
> >
> > And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a
> knight
> > to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a
> > perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do
> > care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is
> in
> pain
> > because of my self-centred, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
> >
> > And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a
> > warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...
> >
> > "Roger," Elaine says aloud.
> >
> > "What?" says Roger, startled.
> >
> > "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning
> to
> > brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so..."
> >
> > (She breaks down, sobbing.)
> >
> > "What?" says Roger.
> >
> > "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I
> really
> > know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."
> >
> > "There's no horse?" says Roger.
> >
> > "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
> >
> > "No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
> >
> > "It's just that... it's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.
> (There
> > is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to
> come up
> > with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might
> > work.) "Yes," he says.
> >
> > (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel
> > that way?" she says.
> >
> > "What way?" says Roger.
> >
> > "That way about time," says Elaine.
> >
> > "Oh," says Roger. "Yes."
> >
> > (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to
> > become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it
> > involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
> >
> > "Thank you, Roger," she says."
> >
> > "Thank you," says Roger.
> >
> > Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured
> > soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place,
> he
> > opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply
> > involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he
> never
> > heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that
> > something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty
> sure
> > there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's
> > better if he doesn't think about it.
> >
> > The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of
> them,
> > and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In
> > painstaking detail, they will analyse everything she said and everything
> he
> > said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word,
> expression,
> > and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible
> > ramification. They will
> > continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months,
> > never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with
> it,
> > either.
> >
> > Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend
> of
> > his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm,
> > did Elaine ever own a horse?"
> >
> > And that's the difference between men and women.
> > -------------------------------------
> > Jenny Bigelow
> > DCAD
> > Deakin University
> > Phone 0352 278 039
> > Fax 0352 278 177
----------------- End Forwarded Message -----------------
Reg
Tony Renshaw
Builder No.236
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